Reclaiming Male Power in the Viagra Age
October 25, 2001
by Henry Makow Ph.D.
(from Oct 24, 2001)
You've heard of the "Stone Age," the "Iron Age" and the "Information Age." This is the "Viagra Age" -- the era of male impotence. Television commercials say that 1/3 of all men suffer from "erectile deficiency" attributed to high blood pressure, prostate cancer, or diabetes. I suspect that often the culprit is feminism. Women should empower men but for a long time they have been doing just the opposite. Instead of taking the little blue pill, men need to reclaim their masculine power.
Feminism has created a power struggle as women covet the male role and want men to take the female one. A friend describes his married friends as "wolves circling one another." The problem is always the same: women want to supplant their husbands.
In the workplace, a man can accept leadership from a competent woman. But in the intimate sphere, a man who takes orders from a woman is not a man, and usually can't perform like one. He sees his mother and feels like a child again.
Power is synonymous with masculine identity. Impotence literally means "powerless." We would never say a woman is "impotent." Rather, she is "infertile" or "frigid." A man cannot love if he does not have power. He expresses his love by exercising his power. Women take away male power and wonder why they aren't loved.
I felt liberated when I finally understood that having the power is what being a man is all about. I decided to look abroad for a traditional woman. After a misstep in the Philippines (described in my book A Long Way to go for a Date), I married an educated, intelligent Mexican woman from a Jewish background similar to my own. For the first time in my life, I have found happiness and so has she. We have an almost frictionless relationship.
She tells me what she's thinking but she never tells me what to do. She never complains, and she never criticizes. In the past, women constantly blackmailed me by making childish scenes. I still find myself cringing in expectation of this. I do all the shopping and cooking so don't think my relationship is rigid. I do my best to make her happy and I succeed.
The gesture of a man opening a door for a woman illustrates how men and women should relate. We all know a woman can open a door herself. But when a man does it, he is affirming her femininity, beauty or charm. When she accepts this gesture, she is validating his masculine power. This trade, woman surrendering her power in exchange for man's love, is the essence of heterosexuality. In order to develop emotionally, men and women need this mutual validation as much as sex itself. Sex is an expression of it.
Under the toxic influence of feminism, women open their own doors. Neither sexes' identity is validated, neither matures emotionally. Men feel redundant and impotent; women feel rejected and unsexed.
RESTORING MALE POWER
The following are some practical tips to help men restore their power.
- The best way to select a woman is to make a reasonable request. If she clicks her heels, salutes and says, "Oui, mon Capitain," she's eligible. On a summer day, I met a young woman who was rollerblading. I asked her to take off her sunglasses so I could see her face. She obeyed. That was a positive early sign. Courtship is the process by which a man earns a woman's trust (love) so that she will accept his leadership. Men express love in terms of benevolent power and perceive women's love as her acceptance of his protection. Similarly, women want a man to make her feel secure.
- Feminism misleads men to pursue "independent" women and to reject the women they actually need. If a woman wants to be "independent," she doesn't want you. If her ad says "Are you man enough for me?" or "I'm high maintenance," decline the challenge. Life is too short. Marriage is not about independence. It is about two people becoming one and that only happens when a woman surrenders to a man. Men should focus on women who "look up to" and empower them. If you're looking for your "equal" you're probably still looking for yourself.
- Men give their power to a woman in hopes of getting love, sex and beauty. For a while she is flattered, but ultimately she cannot respect a man she can control. She wants to be enlisted not petitioned. She wants a man to have a wholesome vision of his life, in which she has an essential place. This vision need not be elaborate or complicated. It could involve a life focused on mutual values and interests, like children, music, church, or the outdoors.
- There is a book entitled: Why do I Think I am Nothing Without a Man (1982) The author, Dr. Penelope Russianoff, tries to help women overcome this feeling. The truth is, this feeling is grounded in reality. Self-fulfillment for a woman is when the "self" is her husband and children. Women are G-d's creatures, they self sacrifice and serve; in return, they are deservedly cherished. If the "self" is her personal satisfaction and career, she is already full and filled. Her husband and children are secondary.
- A man wouldn't be attracted to so many beautiful women if he asked, "to which woman can I entrust my spirit?" Similarly, the sex act is very invasive for a woman. The man's spirit invades her being. She is empty and receptive. At the same time as he takes her in his arms, she gives him emotional and spiritual protection. He expands into the space she creates by her acceptance. A man and a woman are like a sword in a sheath. He strengthens her. She shelters him. They become one.
A man can reclaim his identity by recognizing that his power is non-negotiable. It represents his ability to love that is the essence of his masculinity. A man should focus on finding a woman who is receptive to him. She may be behind a counter rather than an executive desk. A single man should be aggressive and quickly sift without concern for rejection. He must be prepared to offer the right woman a profound relationship. She is not interested in "hooking up." Single men are so passive and juvenile that single women today are climbing the walls.
Men and women could be "equal" and open their own doors. But, when men open doors for women, it affirms them both, and represents something higher and infinitely better.
Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at