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June 19, 2005

nice Hey,

So here's my sad story. I get told one day two weeks ago that I am no longer lovable. I sat there, staring, blank-faced.

Me: What? Did we ever have any unresolved conflicts?
Her: No.
Is there some one else?
Well, why am I unlovable?
Because...I'm not a heterosexual.
OK, that is bizarre; when did you find this out?
A few years ago.
Yes, I didn't discover it until we first had sex.
Well, gee, why didn't you say any thing?
Because it felt good.
What do you mean, it felt good? How can you be homosexual again?I just am!
OK, so you've been cheating on me with a woman, is that it?NO!!! For the last time!
But you're physically attracted to them?
I'm not attracted to any one :-/
Hmm...So you're treating love as an emotion instead of a decision, an act, a paradigm?Not really, well yes...
Why can't we try to have a relationship devoid of sex? After all, my love for you transcends the physical by far!Nope, won't work.
Bob, you *really* get fucking annoying some times! I just want to smack you!!
Huh? Now I'm *totally* confused!
Bob, the main reason is that you tire me.
I tire you? That's funny! Most of the people I meet say I'm too unaggressive, too laid back!
Really?! You want to break up because we have never had serious conflict?NO!! I'm a lesbian!
So you're moving out?
Yes, i'm moving in with Sherry.
O...your lesbian friend...
NO! She is bisexual...She's the first person I told i was a lesbian.
Thanks for the no-vote.
No...I knew I would break your heart if I told you.
Sorry, I dont' cry over the inevitable and unchangeable...and you becoming a lesbian is just that.

Any way this is bizarre. Turns out that Sherry was a homosexual but cheated on her girlfriend wiht a guy she is marrying after 3 months; go figure! I just read your article about the father creating lesbians, and have to admit that it seems very true in this case. She is so convinced that every guy will leave her that she apparently had been waiting for a fight that never came! She said she'd been waiting for me to slip up for a year and it was driving her insane because she felt so guilty about "breaking my heart". When I said she didn't have to break my heart, she slapped me in the face, said, "Go tell me to fuck off!" and ran out the door. Next day when i was at work she cleared out all of her stuff.

I still love her, but I do admit it is apparently far too late and there's not much I could do to corerct such insanity. She got SO pissed when I said that I believed homosexuality was primarily a function of *courtship* and that people who weren't physically aroused by looking at the other could still have meaningful ssexual relationships based on tactical responses alone. And that there wre more important things than sex and if one of us couldn't be comfortable having sex with the other, we should both contemplate emasculation of our sex drives. That went over well, lol! But i mean, seriously. My friend thinks I'm a freak for wanting to save that relationship that bad. I don't know. I've just always gone out of my way to be a peacemaker and apparently some people just can't stand that.


Nice guys don't get laid. You are nice. The essence of a male-female
relationship is "Is she going to follow your leadership, be faithful
and devoted to you?" You have to give her something, a plan (YOUR plan) she can dedicate to. Regard this as an opportunity to make a plan and learn to assert yourself. That's what men are about and what even your woman seems to want.


Scruples - the game of moral dillemas

Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at